Why Teaching Soft Skills in a “Hard Skills” Way Doesn’t Work

One of the biggest misunderstandings in autism support is the assumption that teaching a skill means the learner will naturally know how, when, and why to use it. This is especially true when it comes to soft skills—things like flexibility, problem-solving, communication, time management, or social interaction.

The problem? These soft skills are often taught using a hard skills approach.

Hard skills are concrete. They're taught with steps, checklists, and right/wrong answers. For example, we teach time management by showing how to use a planner or set timers. But what's missing is the nuance—knowing when to use that skill, why it matters, and with whom it’s appropriate.

Autistic individuals often don’t intuitively pick up on those social or contextual cues the way neurotypical people might. That’s not a flaw. That’s a difference in how they process information—and we need to adjust how we teach accordingly.

So when autistic individuals don’t “generalize” a skill or fail to use it in the real world, it’s not because they can’t. It’s because no one taught them the deeper context of that skill. They were taught to memorize a routine, not to navigate a situation.

👉 Example:You can teach a student to say, “Can I have a turn?” But if you don’t also teach:

• When it’s appropriate to ask

• Who it’s safe or effective to ask

• Why it’s helpful to ask versus grabbing

• How someone might respond (and how to adjust)

…then that “skill” becomes a script—not a strategy.

🎥 In today’s video, Susan explains why this happens, how it’s tied to the way we teach, and what we can do instead.If you’ve ever wondered, “Why aren’t they using the skills we taught them?”—you need to hear this.

Don't miss our bonus...our free problem-solving tools CLICK HERE!