When a “Good” Child Suddenly Isn’t: What Autistic Autonomy Really Looks Like

What if I told you that a “good,” compliant, easy” autistic child is not a sign of things going well…but a red flag?

I know—that sentence alone stops people in their tracks. But stay with me.

I have heard several times in my two decades as an SLP:

“They’ve always been such a good kid. So easy. So compliant. But now everything is suddenly a battle.”

They describe a child who once went along with everything…who now refuses, melts down, pushes back, or flat-out says “no.”

And they think something is wrong.

But what if nothing is wrong at all?

What if it’s actually something incredibly important—something healthy, human, and long overdue?

What if autonomy is finally emerging?

The Often-Missed Reality: Autistic Autonomy Doesn’t Follow a Timeline

For neurotypical children, the so-called “terrible twos” are expected. They learn:

• I have a voice.

• I have wants.

• I can say no.

• I get to make choices.

  
  

But autistic individuals may reach this stage at age 2…or 5…or 9…or 18…

Or, like Susan, at age 50.

Yes—50.

Why?

Many autistic individuals spend their early years in survival mode, trying to fit into expectations that don’t match how their brains and bodies actually work. They learn to mask — copying, suppressing, or forcing behaviors to avoid rejection or punishment.

In our newest video, Susan (autistic Occupational Therapist and founder of Making Sense of Autism) shares how she spent decades as the “good child” and “good wife” until discovering she was autistic. Only then did she allow herself to claim her own wants, needs, desires, and boundaries—her right to self-awareness.

And what happened next shocked her.

Her husband loved her more, not less, when she began showing her authentic self.

It turns out, autonomy isn’t defiance. And compliance isn’t connection.

The most powerful part of this message isn’t what you’ve read here. It’s what Susan shares in her own words—her story of being the “good child,” the “good wife,” and finally hitting the “terrible twos at 50.”

It’s honest. It’s emotional. And it explains autistic autonomy better than any textbook ever could.

🎥 Watch the full conversation here: