You’re Not Failing. The Strategies Just Aren’t Working.

If you’ve ever walked away from a session, classroom, or moment at home thinking, “Why isn’t this working when I’m doing everything I was taught?” this conversation is for you.

You tried the visual schedule.

You used first-then boards.

You added rewards.

stayed consistent.

And yet… the learning didn’t happen. The stress increased. The behavior escalated.

When that happens, most parents and professionals turn the frustration inward.

Maybe I’m not doing it right.

Maybe I need to push harder.

Maybe I’m failing them.

But what if that feeling of failure isn’t a sign you’re doing something wrong—what if it’s a signal that something important is missing?

Here’s the part we don’t talk about enough:

Most behavior and learning strategies were created without the autistic perspective in mind.

So when they don’t work, the problem isn’t your effort. It’s that the strategy may not match how the autistic brain processes information, pressure, and motivation.

In this week’s vlog, Staci Neustadt and Susan Golubock unpack why:

• Adding more demands often increases confusion, not learning

• “Refusal” is frequently communication—not resistance

• Reward systems can shift focus away from understanding and toward survival

• Autistic learners may know what to do but not how, why, or when

Most importantly, we talk about what to do instead of pushing harder—and how a simple pause and mindset shift can change everything.

🎥 Watch the video below to understand what’s missing—and why you’re not failing.