Is It Really Manipulation? Or Are We Missing the Message?

If you've ever described a child as “controlling,” “manipulative,” or “defiant,” you’re not alone.

As a parent or professional, you’re trying to make sense of behavior—often in the middle of chaos. Maybe you're managing meltdowns. Maybe you're rewriting IEP goals. Maybe you’re just trying to survive another public outing without a judgmental stare.

But here’s the hard truth: The labels we use don’t just describe behavior. They shape how we respond—and whether we show up with curiosity or control.

This week on our YouTube series, Susan Golubock, an autistic retired occupational therapist, shares a powerful reframe:

“We’re not trying to manipulate—you’re just seeing our unmet needs.”

Let that sink in.

What if the behavior that’s pushing your buttons…Isn’t about you at all?

What if it’s about them—their safety, their nervous system, their way of communicating in a world that doesn't always make sense?

If you’re a parent…

You may be carrying the invisible weight of doing it all. And when your child screams, throws, questions, or “refuses,” the urge to shut it down quickly is real. But the more we push through, the more disconnected we feel.

Susan helps us pause. To see what’s underneath. To replace “What are you doing now?” with “What do you need?”

If you’re a professional…

You’ve read the IEPs. Maybe you’ve even written things like “attention-seeking,” “manipulative behavior,” or “noncompliant.” But what if those words are keeping us from understanding what’s really going on?

This episode helps you shift from surface-level descriptions to deeper, needs-based insights that actually support growth—and connection.

🟣 Watch now and see how understanding the why behind behavior changes everything:

Let’s stop labeling and start listening.

Because your child—and your clients—deserve to be seen, not judged.