My Autistic Student Says They Don't Want Friends. Should I Still Teach Social Skills?
- Staci Neustadt
- Aug 6
- 2 min read
If an autistic student tells you, "I don't want friends," it can stop you in your tracks.
As an SLP, you might wonder:
Should I respect what they're said and stop?
Am I pushing something they don't want?
Or is there something deeper I need to understand?
The answer isn't as simple as yes or no.
Often, "I don't want friends" isn't actually about friendship.
It may mean:
Friendship feels too hard.
Social situations are overwhelming.
I've been misunderstood so many times that it's safer not to try.
I don't know how to connect in a way that feels authentic.
When we assume the problem is a lack of motivation, we often write goals that focus on changing behavior.
But when we become curious about why friendship feels difficult, we discover the real barriers.
Those barriers might include:
sensory overwhelm in group settings
difficulty understanding others' perspectives
low body awareness
limited self-awareness
past experiences of rejection
masking instead of authentic connection
Those are very different therapy targets than simply teaching conversation rules.
Instead of asking,
"How do I teach social skills?"
try asking,
"What is making social connection hard for this individual?"
That one question can completely change your assessment, your goals, and ultimately your therapy.
🎥 Watch the 12-minute conversation below if you'd rather see this explained. Susan Golubock, autistic retired OT, shares why autistic students may say they don't want friends, how to identify the hidden barriers underneath that statement, and the one question every therapist should ask before writing a social communication goal.
If you're ready to move beyond surface-level social skills and learn how to identify the hidden barriers that actually impact social communication, our Neuro-Affirming Social Communication Course gives you the assessment tools and framework to do exactly that.
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