Invitation, Not Expectation: How Understanding Autistic Communication Changes Everything

Have you ever tried to teach a skill—getting dressed, cleaning up, leaving the house, or even answering a simple question—and your autistic child or student shuts down, resists, or becomes overwhelmed? Most people assume it’s behavior. But what if it’s really expectation?

In this week’s vlog, autistic retired Occupational Therapist Susan Golubock and Speech-Language Pathologist Staci Neustadt talk about something most people never realize: even small, invisible expectations can feel like pressure to an autistic nervous system. And that pressure can create shutdown, avoidance, or frustration for everyone involved.

Here’s the part that surprises most parents and professionals: sometimes even praise feels like an expectation. “You’re so good at this!” sounds positive, but many autistic individuals interpret it as pressure to perform again in the exact same way. That is overwhelming.

One quote from Susan sums up the heart of this conversation: “People never saw the real me — they only saw who they expected me to be.” Many autistic individuals feel unseen not because they lack communication, but because the world doesn’t understand the way they communicate.

Why Expectations Overwhelm Autistic Individuals

Most autistic individuals experience communication differently than non-autistic people. What seems simple—like asking a question—creates an immediate expectation to respond. Asking “What do you want for lunch?,” suggesting an activity, offering help, praising success, or even making eye contact can feel like hidden demands.

Susan shares from her lived autistic experience—how expectations shaped her childhood, why praise felt overwhelming, how she communicated non-verbally, and what she wishes adults had done differently.

The way she explains autistic communication will change how you understand your child, student, or client.

Watch the full conversation here. And be sure to subscribe so you never miss a weekly video on understanding autistic communication, behavior, and support through a Neuro-Strengths-Based lens.