We Got This Wrong: Rethinking Autistic Social Communication
- Staci Neustadt
- May 6
- 3 min read
What if autistic communication was never “wrong” to begin with?
For years, parents, teachers, speech therapists, and professionals have been taught to view autistic social communication through a deficit lens. Limited eye contact. Different body language.
Direct communication. Difficulty with conversation. Trouble “generalizing” social skills.
But what if we’ve been misunderstanding autistic communication all along?
In this week’s video, Staci Neustadt, speech-language pathologist, and Susan Golubock, autistic occupational therapist, unpack some of the biggest misconceptions about autistic social communication and explain why many traditional autism assessments and social skills approaches may be missing the mark. (keep scrolling for the video)
The Problem Isn’t That Autistic Individuals Aren’t Communicating
One of the biggest myths about autism is that autistic individuals “lack” social communication skills.
But autistic individuals are communicating all the time.
The problem is often that non-autistic individuals are expecting communication to look, sound, and feel a certain way. When it doesn’t, it gets misinterpreted.
For example:
Limited eye contact may actually HELP processing and listening
Direct communication may be viewed as rude instead of honest
Repetition may be a way to process language and predictability
Silence may reflect processing time, not disengagement
This is where the Double Empathy Theory becomes so important. Autistic individuals often communicate very effectively with other autistic individuals. The breakdown happens when different communication styles are misunderstood.
Why Eye Contact Does NOT Equal Listening
Many autistic individuals report that eye contact makes listening harder.
Yet classrooms and therapy sessions still often use phrases like: “Look at me.” “Where are your listening eyes?” “Show me you’re paying attention.”
But listening does not happen through the eyes.
For some autistic individuals, looking away, doodling, moving, or engaging with an object may actually SUPPORT regulation and attention.
Avoiding eye contact is not necessarily disrespect. Sometimes it is self-regulation.
Why Standardized Pragmatic Language Tests Can Miss Real-Life Needs
Another major misconception is that if an autistic student scores “average” on a pragmatic language assessment, they no longer need support.
But many autistic individuals can answer social questions in structured, low-pressure testing situations while still struggling in:
loud classrooms
cafeterias
group projects
unexpected conversations
emotionally charged moments
This does not mean they are being oppositional or refusing to use skills.
It may mean:
the environment is overwhelming
the skill was memorized but not generalized
the individual does not understand the purpose or value behind the skill
regulation and processing demands are too high in real-time situations
That’s why observation, collaboration, and understanding the WHY behind communication matters so much.
A Neuro-Affirming Shift in Autism Support
At Making Sense of Autism, we believe autistic individuals do not need to be “fixed.”
They need to be understood.
When we stop viewing autistic communication as a broken version of neurotypical communication, we begin creating supports that are safer, more respectful, and more effective.
This shift impacts:
autism assessments
speech therapy goals
classroom supports
emotional regulation
social communication intervention
relationships and connection
Free Resource: “Why I Learn”
One reason autistic individuals may struggle to generalize skills is because they are often taught WHAT to do without understanding:
why the skill matters
when to use it
who to use it with
where it applies
how it helps them personally
That’s why we created this free resource:
This tool helps autistic individuals better understand the purpose, context, and value behind learning and communication skills.
Final Thoughts
We are not here to fix autistic individuals.
We are here to better understand communication differences so autistic individuals can feel safer, more supported, and more connected.
If this perspective resonates with you, watch the full video above and share it with someone who supports autistic individuals.
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