A free guide for therapists, teachers, & parents:
Your student or child isn't refusing to answer. They might just feel cornered by the question.
"Put on your shoes." "Pick one." "Tell me what you want." Small, everyday asks can feel like pressure to an autistic individual, and pressure shuts communication down. This guide swaps those moments for something that keeps them talking.
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Why this happens
What looks like defiance is usually protection
Autistic individuals can feel overwhelmed the moment they sense an expectation — answering a question, choosing between two options, responding on command.
That reaction isn't stubbornness. It's a nervous system trying to keep itself safe.
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An invitation removes the pressure without removing the connection. There's no requirement, no demand to perform, and no wrong answer — including "not now."
And when communication feels safe, kids stay engaged longer and communicate more like themselves.
What changes
One shift in phrasing, four different outcomes
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Lower anxiety. Nothing is being demanded, so there's nothing to brace against.
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Real autonomy. They get to choose whether, when, and how to engage.
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More trust. Every response is accepted, so your child learns it's safe to respond honestly.​
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​More communication, not less. Kids talk more freely once the pressure to perform is gone.
A preview from the guide
Sentences you already say — rewritten
INSTEAD OF
"Put on your shoes."
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TRY SAYING
"I'm putting on my shoes. Want to put yours on now, or wait a minute?"
INSTEAD OF
"Tell me what you want."
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TRY SAYING
"Show me what you're thinking."
More swaps — plus how to model your own wants so kids learn language without ever feeling pressured to answer — are waiting inside the free guide.
Who's behind this
A guide, not an expert with a script
Making Sense of Autism exists to help parents, SLPs, OTs, and teachers see autistic behavior as communication rather than a problem to correct. This guide reflects that same approach: strengths-first, regulation before compliance, and language that respects your child's autonomy — no scripts to force a response, just a way to keep the door open.
Autistic Occupational Therapist
Autistic OT and Founder of Making Sense of Autism in 2001
NSBSA
Co-creator of the Neuro-Strengths Based Support for Autism Framework, used by SLPs, OTs, and teachers
Speech-Language Pathologist
Neurodivergent SLP, joined Susan in 2019
Before you download
Common questions
Is this only for young children?
No. Expectation-based pressure affects autistic people at any age — the same shift in language works for toddlers, teens, and adults.
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I'm not a therapist. Can I actually use this?
Yes — it's written for parents and caregivers first. No clinical background needed, just a willingness to change a few sentences.
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My child is nonspeaking or minimally speaking. Does this still apply?
Yes. Invitations don't require a spoken response — "not now," a gesture, or simply watching all count as valid, accepted answers.
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Will this replace speech therapy or IEP goals?
No — it's a communication mindset shift you can use alongside any existing therapy, school plan, or support your child already has.